The Woman From Brackish Creek

by Ron Nicholas

I am the woman from Brackish Creek
And I live in them there hills
I am rough and tough and naughty
Not like them city dills

I sleep our under the Southern Cross
That’s when it’s not too wet
But when it’s cold, it’s in the shack
Cuddled up with five dog pet

Now some people say I am unlucky
But I guess it’s the way things go
I got a lump in my right breast
It took a while to show

I went and saw the local vet
When he was cutting steers
The story that he told me
Well, it brought me near to tears

I asked if he could do the job
Seeing he had a cutting knife
He said, ‘Well, I suppose I can’
‘But I don’t want any strife’

It took a bottle of whisky
That I’d brewed on the still
It hadn’t had time to age much
Not strong enough to kill

Well I had to go to town a while
And get the chemo works
The chemo it was bad enough
But in town gave me the shirks!

In three months I escaped back home
To my blessed Brackish Creek
My shack had nearly fallen down
And my dunny, it was weak

I got my rabbit traps out
And threw them on me back
But as I started up the hill
They slid down on the track

I wondered for a moment
It hadn’t happened before
To have those traps slide off me back
Was something new for sure

Then I realised what was what
I had some brand new strife
My boob had held the chains in place
What could I do for the rest of my life?

I want and saw a doctor bloke
And told me of me woes
He said, ‘You need a prosthesis’
‘Makes you steady as she goes’

Well, I fitted this prosthesis thing
It seemed to even up the score
The traps sat firmly on my back
They didn’t move around no more

But then, with me being pretty bright
I thought of other ways
To make this prosthesis earn its keep
See! Being smart it pays

So when I’m panning in the creek
No panning dish I take
I swish the gold in my prosthesis
Lighter work it seems to make

And when I get a thirst up
I dip it in the creek
It makes you drink quite slowly
Stops it running down your cheek

And when I’m getting over hot
I soak it in the water
Then fit it back upon my chest
Air conditioning, kinda sorta

Well, now I am quite happy
And I don’t mind telling you
It’s a friend to me, my brand new part
That replaced the old for new